i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
