I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
organizing the empties. That sober.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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