why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
