i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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