I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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