I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
