Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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