hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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