Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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