Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
