You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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