He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
