She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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