ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
