i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
