ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Damn victory sex feels great
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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