he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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