Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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