We got so high we made milksteak
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
