omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
