**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
