Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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