im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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