No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
