We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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