I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
