She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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