I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You can't just leave with hair like that
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
