well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
