I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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