Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
