garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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