Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
