Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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