I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
