Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
