Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize