is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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