Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
