i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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