Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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