I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
