he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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