Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
