If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
