Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
