i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
