My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
