i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
