I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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