i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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