I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
