I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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