The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This house was built for laser tag.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
