i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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