There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
