pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
