I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
