We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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