I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
