so explain again why im purple
no
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
