my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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