Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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