My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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