went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
