Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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