What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i drank out of a bidet.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
