it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
did i walk over a car last night?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is Oprah even human
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