I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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