I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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