is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
