Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
