Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
