The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
