New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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