the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
