well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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