what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
