I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
