so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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