if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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