it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
