The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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