You're my little dorito
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
