the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
