I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
