yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
