The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
