Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
