I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
