yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
